MAY (NOTES TOWARD A FEELING)
Roadkill on the tracks. When it rains the air cools
25 degrees. I bike past identical storefronts, the
Chinese buffet with stone lions at the gate.
An apartment building, gentrifier murals on the wall.
I’m not inside my life, but where’s left to go? I love
the culture war, the biosphere instrumentally.
Why here, or why anywhere. The ruined year slips like
algae from my tongue. Salt remembers the ocean,
gauze recalls the field. My back remembers her
hand. I hate the highway. I hate the summer and the
bruises on my legs. In the race for psychosomatic
talent I’m first-class, which would make one time
I’ve been beautiful. I read a novel where salvation
obtains in an instant, bewildering, stupid as brick.
I wanted to be undone like that, glow like a shadow
puppet in hindsight, my darkness lovely. I wanted
her lips against my burned shoulders – I still seem
to fall away from language. And if I cling like
a garment to loneliness, are you the brown paper
that folds me, are you the static seething like breath?
My eyes as blue as ever. In my dream, clearing
verdigris from a coin, you asked if I was lost. I said:
yes, but not where you would think.
Listen to "Venice Bitch" by Lana Del Rey, selected to accompany Margot's work, below:
MARGOT ARMBRUSTER (she/they) is an undergraduate student from Wisconsin.